Macrobiotic Life

I would like to summarize my latest life. What am I doing, what am I reading, what am I eating, loving, listening, thinking about.

I am now very influenced by my lack of money. Surprisingly, who is not Now comes the eternal question, should I leave or should I join? Join some employment position. Or leave somewhere into the Wild, where money have no power, or at least, where you get the illusion, that money are needed for nothing there I know only few places that could provide me this illusion. Partly, in one of them I am living now. It’s my parent’s house. I am paying monthly bills (I am not the bad lazy boy), but still the monthly “rent” is half of what I would pay somewhere else.
Another place, where one could get food and shelter and still having his life headed somewhere meaningful is.. you can guess for a while.. Kushi Institut at Amsterdam I am joking, but maybe not so much, because this option is really there.
Another places are around the whole Globe. Ashrams at India, communities at Russia (living according to Anastasia books), macrobiotic communities at France, Spain etc. Imagination is the main part and you can find many places, where you can learn a lot and not to pay anything.
Huh.. maybe I am little dumb, while thinking I should pay if I work somewhere? Maybe that’s because I am blinded (cannot see another option) by all the pricy courses, seminars, workshops and work&travel, volunteering services, where you really need to pay a lot of cash to work for them. But if I would like to get better at macrobiotic or massages or China medicine.. I don’t know a free place, where you can learn and practice for free.
I was at some job offer companies, that would involve me in the computer environment office and me doing some daunting computer programming work. Daunting for me now. Everything changes, maybe I will want to be a programmer in the summer, but I don’t think so. The more I chew everyday, day passes and the more I am feeling the power to go.. you know where.. into the Wild
When I chew well at the day, I am feeling really decided no to be employed and rather start something on my own. I was self employed all my life, it should be no problem, yes? Yes and no. If I realised that all I created, all the product of my self-employment, were spammy pages, that provide (yeah, they are still there and giving me some easy profits – in this part, I am still weak to delete them) no value.. then I decided to stop it and here’s the problem I am struggling with. What else can I do, to make some money on my own, while still creating real value.. and I am not aiming low now.. I mean REAL VALUE
I feel, something is coming, but I have this feeling nearly 80% of the year